It might seem surprising to write about doing a full inventory of your stuff at the end of this blog. Most of us would think inventory comes first. Ha ha. If inventory were Trick #1, no one would ever do it and no one would ever recover from stuff overload. Therefore, I have put this trick last, as a culmination of all the little tricks you have already used.
A full inventory is a detailed list of all your stuff, including quantity and location. A full inventory is not for the faint of heart, but this is where you need to go if you want to make a lasting change in your relationship to your stuff. Most people have to work up to it.
One approach is to do the inventory item by item. For example:
6 roasting pans (2 kitchen, 3 garage, 1 guest room closet)
21 purses (10 bedroom closet, 1 in use, 10 guest room dresser)
106 pairs of shoes (41 bedroom closet, 22 den closet, 30 boxed in garage, 3 office, 10 storage unit A)
12 hammers (8 garage, 2 kitchen, 1 car, 1 purse)
13 tennis rackets (5 hall closet, 2 laundry room, 1 car, 2 kids room, 3 garage)
5 bicycles (1 porch, 3 garage, 1 garden shed)
975 books ...
Or you might choose to do inventory by location. For example:
Living Room:
2 sofas
12 floor pillows
3 TVs, 1 working
2 computers, neither working
9 foldup TV tables, 3 broken
4 shelves
17 board games
54 Star Wars figures
3 fish tanks, 2 empty, 1 with snake
225 DVDs
and so on ...
An inventory requires a significant amount of time. It took you a while to accumulate all this stuff and it's going to take you a while to unaccumulate it. The inventory is one of the tasks. You might insist that you are a person who prefers to "just do it" rather than make lists of your stuff. That's doubtful, or you wouldn't have gotten into having too much stuff in the first place. Then again, you might be a person who will spend years making a beautiful inventory and never reduce your stuff a bit. This is another reason to do the inventory after you are well into the process.
If you can't face the full inventory, hire someone else to do it, as embarrassing as that might be. In fact, you could hire someone else to do everything, but that won't happen because you are not that kind of person. No, you are the kind of person who acquires stuff and holds onto it.
When you see the final inventory of your stuff, you might be horrified, but you will no longer need to hide.
Think of it as freedom.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Trick #8 - Reward Yourself
When you have succeeded with some of the activities in this blog, it's important to reward yourself. However, there is one huge caveat:
Do not reward yourself with stuff!
No shopping. No ebay. No catalog browsing. No flea market, jewelry party, auction, shopping network, gift buying. No craigslist. At first, it might be difficult to think of a reward that doesn't have anything to do with stuff, or a reward that is for you and not for someone else. You can invite another person to share in your reward, but be wary of inviting a saboteur along. A saboteur is not going to be happy for you.
Some reward ideas:
Do not reward yourself with stuff!
No shopping. No ebay. No catalog browsing. No flea market, jewelry party, auction, shopping network, gift buying. No craigslist. At first, it might be difficult to think of a reward that doesn't have anything to do with stuff, or a reward that is for you and not for someone else. You can invite another person to share in your reward, but be wary of inviting a saboteur along. A saboteur is not going to be happy for you.
Some reward ideas:
- Get a pedicure, or a massage
- Enjoy an exotic coffee or a nice meal out
- Take a trip
- Go skiing, sailing, dancing
- Get a new hairstyle or color
- Go to the opera, the hockey game, the circus, somewhere that is a treat for you
Trick #7 - Psych Yourself Out
If you are so inclined, try the psychological approach.
Visualize
Imagine your living spaces looking different, without all the extra stuff. If you can find a picture of how you want your life to look, cut the picture out and put it where you can see it every day. If you know anyone whose living spaces look like your visualization, visit them. If you see public places that reflect your visualization, go there. Soak up the vibes. Notice details. Take pictures, then look at the pictures. Often.
Think of Some New Activities
When you are focused on stuff, you spend a lot of time shopping, redecorating, looking for bargains, watching TV shows about shopping, redecorating, collecting. Another favorite activity is selling your stuff so you can buy other stuff. You will need to think of activities that have nothing to do with stuff.
Some ideas:
Notice the Supporters and Saboteurs
Any kind of change provokes reaction, from others and from you. A supporter is a person who is encouraging when you are making a change that is good for you. A saboteur is a person who is not encouraging, but instead wants you to stay as you are or go back to old behavior. A saboteur might be caught up in the same acquiring that you are (doesn't want to lose her shopping buddy). A saboteur can also be a negative person who always focuses on what's wrong or how hard it will be.
HARD TRUTH Saboteurs can be dear friends, relatives, or even you.
Other people who have too much stuff are often hostile to the idea of having less, and can interpret your change as a criticism of them. You might need to find some new people to hang out with who are not very interested in stuff, or at least don't sabotage you. This can be hard, and sad.
You might need to find a nice counselor to help prevent you from sabotaging yourself.
Visualize
Imagine your living spaces looking different, without all the extra stuff. If you can find a picture of how you want your life to look, cut the picture out and put it where you can see it every day. If you know anyone whose living spaces look like your visualization, visit them. If you see public places that reflect your visualization, go there. Soak up the vibes. Notice details. Take pictures, then look at the pictures. Often.
Think of Some New Activities
When you are focused on stuff, you spend a lot of time shopping, redecorating, looking for bargains, watching TV shows about shopping, redecorating, collecting. Another favorite activity is selling your stuff so you can buy other stuff. You will need to think of activities that have nothing to do with stuff.
Some ideas:
- See a movie, a play, or other performance
- Take up a sport
- Play a game
- Join a group or club
- Go to a museum, gallery, trade show, the beach
- Create something
Notice the Supporters and Saboteurs
Any kind of change provokes reaction, from others and from you. A supporter is a person who is encouraging when you are making a change that is good for you. A saboteur is a person who is not encouraging, but instead wants you to stay as you are or go back to old behavior. A saboteur might be caught up in the same acquiring that you are (doesn't want to lose her shopping buddy). A saboteur can also be a negative person who always focuses on what's wrong or how hard it will be.
HARD TRUTH Saboteurs can be dear friends, relatives, or even you.
Other people who have too much stuff are often hostile to the idea of having less, and can interpret your change as a criticism of them. You might need to find some new people to hang out with who are not very interested in stuff, or at least don't sabotage you. This can be hard, and sad.
You might need to find a nice counselor to help prevent you from sabotaging yourself.
Trick #6 - Reduce Your Stuff
Start with something small. It can be a drawer, a closet, the surface of a table, the backseat of the car, whatever you can actually do within a day or two. Do not give yourself impossible goals or too much time. You won't do it, then you will feel hopeless or frustrated. You will probably feel like this anyway, and will look for any reason to quit. A favorite give-up phrase is "that's just the way I am." You know yourself. Set a goal that is doable, then take action.
HARD TRUTH You might need safeguards to prevent you from undoing your good work. If so, ask a friend to help you, or a professional.
Here are the choices for reducing your stuff:
HARD TRUTH You might need safeguards to prevent you from undoing your good work. If so, ask a friend to help you, or a professional.
Here are the choices for reducing your stuff:
- Give it away.
If needed, ask a friend to do the actual give away. This prevents you from bringing the stuff back or shifting it to another location. Try not to get mad at your friend. If you have many of the same item, keep the best one and give away the rest. This might or might not apply to collections, which might better be given as a unit. - Sell it.
If not sold within a month, give it away. Don't buy more stuff with the money. - Fix it.
If not fixed within a month, give it or throw it away. - Move it to a place where it will be used.
If you still don't use it after a month, give it away. - Repurpose it.
Find a new use for the stuff. If you still don't use it after a month, give it away. - Return it to the owner.
Deliver the item to the owner within a day or two. With an apology. - Throw it away.
Discard anything that is broken or damaged. Stuff that is so dated, worn, or lame that no one else would want it needs to be thrown out.
Trick #5 - Tell the Truth
Sometimes we really don't have a clue about how we got so much stuff and why our lives are not what we'd like them to be. By examining our own behavior, we can start to understand our true relationship to our stuff.
Your Most Dysfunctional Location
Maybe part of your life has just the right amount of stuff and you do not consider that part dysfunctional. That's great. However, there are other areas that are a problem, or you would not be reading this. For example, your office is stacked with papers and crammed with stuff you don't need. Your kitchen is so full that it's hard to cook or tell what's edible in the refrigerator. When you open your closet, stuff falls out. Your kids' rooms have too many toys, clothes, or equipment, much of which is outgrown, broken, or belongs to others. You have lots of storage containers full of stuff that you rarely or never use.
Your Downfall
Your downfall refers to the type of stuff you just can't resist. You find yourself mindlessly acquiring more of this than anything else, over and over. For example, shoes, magazines, DVDs/CDs, jewelry, antiques, souvenirs, vehicles, books, musical instruments, and so on. Collections are a good place to start looking to identify your downfall.
Hoarding
To hoard is to hold onto stuff that you either don't respect or don't use. You don't actively want the stuff, but you don't want anyone else to have it either. Or you are too busy, or lazy, to make the effort to pass it on. Hoarded stuff often causes feelings of anxiety when you think of it going away, and also feelings of guilt for being selfish when others would enjoy and use the stuff that you either aren't using or have squirreled away.
Some typical rationalizations for hoarding:
When you have too much stuff, there is often at least one area of your life where you don't apply enough attention or money for healthy functioning. For example, your roof is leaking, but you just bought 20 new CDs and a leather jacket. You are choosing to buy more stuff instead of taking care of an item that is an important necessity. This is deprivation.
Your Most Dysfunctional Location
Maybe part of your life has just the right amount of stuff and you do not consider that part dysfunctional. That's great. However, there are other areas that are a problem, or you would not be reading this. For example, your office is stacked with papers and crammed with stuff you don't need. Your kitchen is so full that it's hard to cook or tell what's edible in the refrigerator. When you open your closet, stuff falls out. Your kids' rooms have too many toys, clothes, or equipment, much of which is outgrown, broken, or belongs to others. You have lots of storage containers full of stuff that you rarely or never use.
Your Downfall
Your downfall refers to the type of stuff you just can't resist. You find yourself mindlessly acquiring more of this than anything else, over and over. For example, shoes, magazines, DVDs/CDs, jewelry, antiques, souvenirs, vehicles, books, musical instruments, and so on. Collections are a good place to start looking to identify your downfall.
Hoarding
To hoard is to hold onto stuff that you either don't respect or don't use. You don't actively want the stuff, but you don't want anyone else to have it either. Or you are too busy, or lazy, to make the effort to pass it on. Hoarded stuff often causes feelings of anxiety when you think of it going away, and also feelings of guilt for being selfish when others would enjoy and use the stuff that you either aren't using or have squirreled away.
Some typical rationalizations for hoarding:
- I'll get it fixed, I'll fix it myself.
- It will be valuable, worth $.
- I'll sell it or give it away when I have time.
- It's for the kids.
- It was a gift.
- Don't tell me what to get rid of!
- It was a great deal. I only paid $x for it when full price was $xx.
When you have too much stuff, there is often at least one area of your life where you don't apply enough attention or money for healthy functioning. For example, your roof is leaking, but you just bought 20 new CDs and a leather jacket. You are choosing to buy more stuff instead of taking care of an item that is an important necessity. This is deprivation.
Trick #4 - Respect Your Stuff
Your stuff doesn't love you, and you don't love it.
However, your stuff should be respected, and, above all, used. If you don't use or respect your stuff, then it's time to pass it on to someone else. Maybe you outgrew it, maybe it was a silly sale purchase, maybe you don't even remember acquiring it. No matter. If you don't respect or use it, then you are hoarding stuff that another person will respect and use. If you haven't used something in two years, you probably aren't going to.
HARD TRUTH Stuff includes gifts, both gifts that you have received and gifts that you acquired but never gave.
ANOTHER HARD TRUTH Acquiring stuff for others is frequently just an excuse to acquire.
Be generous. Give your extra stuff to the Universe.
However, your stuff should be respected, and, above all, used. If you don't use or respect your stuff, then it's time to pass it on to someone else. Maybe you outgrew it, maybe it was a silly sale purchase, maybe you don't even remember acquiring it. No matter. If you don't respect or use it, then you are hoarding stuff that another person will respect and use. If you haven't used something in two years, you probably aren't going to.
HARD TRUTH Stuff includes gifts, both gifts that you have received and gifts that you acquired but never gave.
ANOTHER HARD TRUTH Acquiring stuff for others is frequently just an excuse to acquire.
Be generous. Give your extra stuff to the Universe.
Trick #3 - Slow Yourself Down
When you are actively in the clutches of acquiring, take a few moments to grill yourself. For example:
"Why do I want to buy this?"
"Do I already have one of these?"
"Can I afford this?"
"Who am I trying to impress?"
"Where am I going to put this?"
"What parallel item am I going to pass on if I acquire this?"
These questions will give you time to come to your senses, or at least to have a stern talk with yourself. Be honest with yourself when you answer the questions. If you can.
Some slowdown tips that might be helpful:
"Why do I want to buy this?"
"Do I already have one of these?"
"Can I afford this?"
"Who am I trying to impress?"
"Where am I going to put this?"
"What parallel item am I going to pass on if I acquire this?"
These questions will give you time to come to your senses, or at least to have a stern talk with yourself. Be honest with yourself when you answer the questions. If you can.
Some slowdown tips that might be helpful:
- Have fewer credit cards, preferably one.
If your card gets turned down, give up. You weren't meant to buy that stuff. - Pay with cash.
Cash feels like you're spending more, and so can slow you down if you let it. - Don't buy stuff on the Internet.
Clicking is way too fast. Just don't. - Don't buy stuff on the same day you see it.
If it's not there tomorrow, oh well. You weren't meant to have that stuff. - Don't shop with other people who have too much stuff.
They like the excitement of acquiring as much as you do. In fact, they will egg you on. - Avoid garage sales, flea markets, and secondhand stores.
Don't add another person's extra stuff to yours. - Don't nickle and dime yourself.
Never add stuff to your cart while you're at the checkout stand or while your kids are whining. Small or inexpensive stuff is just as cluttery as big stuff, sometimes moreso. - Don't accept free stuff just because it's free.
If you won't respect or use it, say No Thank You. Even if it's from your mother.
Trick #2 - Try It Out, Return It
A quick way to start becoming more discerning about what you acquire is to try it out before using the item in the wear-and-tear world. See how it looks where you plan to put it. Wear it around the house. Get others' opinions. If it is not perfect, doesn't fit, or was a big fat mistake, return the stuff to the store within the specified return period, for a full refund. This gives you time to come to your senses, also known as "What was I thinking?" time.
Some important issues:
Some important issues:
- Can't Return It---If a new item can't be returned, buy it somewhere else where it can be returned, even if you have to pay more. Avoid buying 'final sale' items. Avoid buying where you can only return for store credit.
- Big Ticket Item---In general, the more money or trouble the stuff cost you, the more thorough your tryout should be before using it. Do not keep the stuff beyond the full refund date.
- Doesn't Hold Value---If an item loses value the minute you take it out of the store, sign the contract, or drive it off the lot, you will need to imagine trying it out. If you have no imagination, or are too intent on buying the item Now, ask a friend to help you imagine how it will feel to own it. Make sure this friend is not a person who also has too much stuff. Or a salesperson.
- Must Be Hidden---If you must hide the item from someone (such as your spouse) for any reason except that it is a surprise gift, return it.
Trick #1 - Parallel Giveaway
Parallel giveaway is the fastest way to start getting control of your stuff. You don't have to change anything or examine your badness. All you need to do is add a couple of steps to your current process, as follows:
Try not to start using the new item before you have passed on the old item.
This sounds as if it's okay to constantly upgrade the stuff you have, such as buying the cool new flatscreen TV or the latest Gucci handbag. It is okay. As long as you pass on the old one. Not passing on the old one is called hoarding.
Practicing parallel giving will prevent you from continuing to expand your stuff while you are working on the problem of having too much stuff.
- You acquire something.
- You identify a similar, usable item that you already have.
- You pass the similar item on.
- You start using the new item.
Try not to start using the new item before you have passed on the old item.
This sounds as if it's okay to constantly upgrade the stuff you have, such as buying the cool new flatscreen TV or the latest Gucci handbag. It is okay. As long as you pass on the old one. Not passing on the old one is called hoarding.
Practicing parallel giving will prevent you from continuing to expand your stuff while you are working on the problem of having too much stuff.
Do You Need This Blog?
Your life is crowded and you feel a little selfish and nervous about how much money and time you spend acquiring, upgrading, displaying, and tweaking your stuff. You might have a mess to deal with, or you might have a neat storehouse of more stuff than you need, want, or use.
Is this you?
Here are some symptoms that might be indicators:
I will now define some of the key terms that I use in this blog, just so we're all on the same page:
Stuff --- Non-essential material possessions. You might have an endless variety of stuff, or you might have many of the same thing. Your stuff might be new or expensive, or it might be sentimental junk, or not even sentimental, just junk. If you have multiples of an item, one of them might be essential, but the rest of them are just stuff.
Realm of Stuff --- Locations where you keep your material possessions. For example, your house, your car, your office, your garage, a storage facility, your mother's attic, the boat, and so on.
Acquire --- To add an item to your realm of stuff, not necessarily by purchasing, not necessarily a new item.
Pass It On --- To remove an item from your realm of stuff. Give it away, sell it, find it a new home.
Hoard --- To hang onto stuff that you do not respect or use.
Is this you?
Here are some symptoms that might be indicators:
- You have one or more storage units.
- Your garage is too full to park a car.
- Your car can't accommodate guests comfortably.
- Your home can't accommodate guests comfortably.
- There are areas in your home that you hide from other people.
- Other people offer to help you clear out your stuff.
- You have collections.
- You have multiples (many of the same item).
- You don't have enough floor space because of all your stuff.
- Drawers, cupboards, and closets are full.
- You love your stuff.
I will now define some of the key terms that I use in this blog, just so we're all on the same page:
Stuff --- Non-essential material possessions. You might have an endless variety of stuff, or you might have many of the same thing. Your stuff might be new or expensive, or it might be sentimental junk, or not even sentimental, just junk. If you have multiples of an item, one of them might be essential, but the rest of them are just stuff.
Realm of Stuff --- Locations where you keep your material possessions. For example, your house, your car, your office, your garage, a storage facility, your mother's attic, the boat, and so on.
Acquire --- To add an item to your realm of stuff, not necessarily by purchasing, not necessarily a new item.
Pass It On --- To remove an item from your realm of stuff. Give it away, sell it, find it a new home.
Hoard --- To hang onto stuff that you do not respect or use.
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